The Reviews...

Photos kindly supplied by producer Alan JW Bell. More Photos from the Series Below.

PLENTY  OF  ROOM  IN  THE  BACK

Transmitted on 7th May 2006

Scroll down to see photos below, kindly supplied by producer Alan JW Bell.

We were led to believe that the ninth episode from this year’s series had been postponed; it was originally not screened due to programme scheduling pressure from another major event.   But here it is – a lively and excellent reprise to keep us going until the next series.

After accepting the need for more transport, Auntie Wainwright sends Tom and Smiler to collect a vehicle – but it isn’t quite what they all had hoped  - even though it was dead interesting!

At the start we find the gang sat on a fine Yorkshire hillside with Alvin pondering on whether he could be part Greek; the others wonder if his mother ever knew a Greek millionaire but Alvin thought she had never been further away than Bridlington and certainly never knew any opera singers!

Next we see Howard & Marina lurking by some bushes; Howard is wearing a tin hat and it seems that they have a new interest – no sadly not what we all think but military history.  Back at the Batty steps Alvin tells Nora that with her voice she simply isn’t cut out as a rich man’s play-thing!

At Cleggs the gang are now debating the “afterlife”; Billy expects to meet Robin Hood there – the others expect that he is more likely to be doing the catering.  When Howard joins them his view on the subject is that his life is all right where it is – and the others realize that he has other things on his mind as usual!   Glenda is telling Pearl and Nellie that she feels Barry doesn’t have a mind of his own; she puts him to the test and of course he is unable to decide whether to have tea or coffee.

Meanwhile Howard asks the gang to call for him so that he can refuse so that he can finish his library book on military history; as if!   They feel he is the right size for Napoleon or maybe he would be better as Josephine.   In the café Nora and Ivy are discussing an old acquaintance who “married well”  - “and often” despite being involved with the Post Office!

Auntie Wainwright tells Smiler and Tom that her business now has a new vehicle ready for collection – with plenty of legroom, ideal for small loads – more of an estate; they feel they would rather have an estate of 50 acres with a lake.  But they set off to collect it from Entwistle.   Back at the library Miss Davenport is trying to assist Marina with a book on love, passion and adventure; Marina, however, reveals an urge for something more serious (but not to do with nuns again) perhaps in the way of military history.  Miss D asks about a ship (sailor) who once passed Marina in the night, well 2 nights actually; Marina says that he did not turn up for the second night and anyway he went down with all hands! (Yes she actually said that folks!)

The plot for the others to call for Howard goes wrong of course due to Pearl not seeing them; they express the view that standing outside number 4 is wasting their leisure time.

Back in the café, Nora and Ivy are now discussing hair styles; Nora feels that you were up to no good if you had fancy hair; Nellie says that Travis usually follows her about but comes straight home when she wants some time to wash her hair.  Nora comments that her late husband Wally usually followed her about; Ivy reflects that he was usually on a lead at which Nora did admit to sometimes shouting softly at her Wally.  Barry & Glenda are still being indecisive about choices.   Howard’s attempt to signal at the gang has meanwhile gone wrong with the curtains coming down completely so they leave the scene.

Tom and Smiler discover that the vehicle which Entwistle has for Auntie Wainwright is in fact ………. a HEARSE!  They check that it is empty and find on driving it that it is very slow.  Barry & Glenda have another of their conversations where she is worried and he likens the human race to the stars; you have to worry about them really…. or maybe not of course.  The ladies are having tea, (or is it coffee I simply cannot make up my mind) and they all feel that their menfolk have no minds of their own; Nora thinks that this is how men started life like that.  Pearl recalls that the last decision Howard made was when he said “I do” at the altar & he has not made one since!   As always there is another glorious piece of synchronized drinking as they all quaff in perfect harmony.

The gang are in the woods with Alvin wanting to be regarded as being a dedicated eccentric; the others agree to this but only from the back – from the front he is just weird!  The hearse arrives and they doff their caps – but soon realize who is in it.  Meanwhile Howard & Marina are off on their bikes in heavy camouflage to inspect some isolated battle sites.  The policemen are wondering about wrinkles after their years of experience living life on the edge with stress and danger; suddenly they spy the hearse – with bodies apparently waving at them.  Aunty W is missing her new vehicle and offers Barry a reward to find it – she confirms that the reward will only be a warm feeling of satisfaction of course!  The gang arrive at a pub but before they can drink they are asked by the landlord to take “Grand-dad” home as he has been celebrating his birthday rather too well; although he is not dead they agree to use the hearse to take the old fellow home.

Howard & Marina arrive at the battle scene – and find it covered in people with metal detectors so no privacy there then and another cunning plan thwarted for them.  The hearse sets off home with Barry following and as it passes the policemen the “body” raises up and waves at them whilst singing Happy Birthday – as they do in LOSW!

So there it really is this time – no more new episodes until the next series of course.  So its DVDs and videos of which there might just be more about than is at first thought – but I couldn’t possible comment on that except as a hint to the BBC that they must now see the light and release further series before too long.   I remain worried about Travis……………..but I could be lying……….

Gerald

Editor's Note: Many thanks Gerald for your timely reviews of each episode during the 2006 series. There have been many hits to this page so we know your write-ups have been much appreciated by fans worldwide.

OH LOOK! MITZI’S FOUND HER MUMMY

Transmitted on 23rd April 2006

Clegg has to be in charge of a dog for the day – but it proves to be over-zealous in its protection of his property and he and the gang experience the perils of dog-sitting.

After seeing Billy trying some bow and arrow practice, which nearly puts them in a King Harold situation, we see Alvin outside Nora’s doing some Chinese movements so that he can harmonise his body and spirit; Nora does not think that his body is worth it!

At Aunty Wainwright’s she is trying to make her “staff” (Smiler & Tom) get smarter in their appearance. Outside Howard’s Clegg learns that Howard is looking after Vernon’s dog Mitzi as Vernon has had to go to a wedding. Pearl points out that the dog will not get on with their cat (has anyone ever seen their cat?) so Clegg has to look after Mitzi. The dog moves in and all seems well with Clegg being happy to trust the dog if not Howard!

Nora and Ivy discuss Alvin’s latest Chinese exercising and Nora feels that it may be okay on rice but nor suitable for meat and 2 vegetables! Pearl, Nellie & Miss Davenport are discussing their past; asked why she never married Miss Davenport confesses that she nearly was once; he had to go to the war………. but as she did not know which war and as he worked for the Gas Board this did not seem very likely!

They witness the gang try to enter Clegg’s house – at which there is lots of growling and barking and they are all chased out by the dog!

Out on a roadside Tom and Smiler are bemoaning the fact that the wheel has come off Aunty W’s handcart again; Smiler seems to think that this is because the human race is descended from slime…..

Meanwhile the gang are trying to enter Clegg’s house again – to no avail; the dog “has more teeth than a crocodile”. Seeing as how he knows the dog Howard bravely enters to secure it; but is chased out the same as the others!

At the library Miss D is telling Marina that Howard now has a Mitzi; Marina is shocked since she “gave that man the best years of my life”. She assures Miss D that he was always a gentleman, however, much to her disappointment – despite her trying everything!

At Aunty W’s Barry & Glenda are seeking some costumes for a fancy dress party which Barry has said he would NOT go to. At Ivy’s café Nora and Ivy are complaining that cooking for men is not the same any more; food has got so fast that you can’t catch it. They also feel that females are staying glamorous longer whereas in their day men knew what they would get (clearly not a lot) and saw very little. Nora said it used to be a golden age for the deeply unattractive. There was then one of those remarkably sad scenes where they chuckled over one of their friends who used to “entertain” US soldiers during World War II; they reflected that these guys would be old men now – if they made it…………how very true, how sad and how clever of Roy Clarke to remind us…..

Sat in their patrol car the policemen are reflecting on the value of a good notebook; the one played by Ken Kitson had a series of coded phrases which looked good for their Chief – but in reality meant very little. The other cop asked what he was doing when his eyes were shut; “thinking” comes the reply – and at that they spy Tom and Smiler charging along “being very happy”; (because Aunty W has told them that she has some new transport for the business which Entwistle has ready for them to collect.)

Back outside Clegg’s house the gang are trying everything to gaining entrance but Mitzi will not let them in. Even Clegg is eventually chased from his own house. Even entry via the window fails. Tom and Smiler collect their new transport – but it is simply a bicycle tandem plus a small trailer!

Barry & Glenda have their costumes and try them on; Barry having first attempted to go as James Bond or Noel Coward etc. The policemen believe that their looking tired and yawning is in fact a cover for being alert, coiled like a spring and ready for action; which is just as well as, with a crash their car is hit by Tom and Smiler on their tandem of course!

Virtually the whole cast is assembled outside watching the siege of Clegg’s house as protected by Mitzi. Nellie mentions that Travis once had a Saluki; Nora said that she wasn’t keen on 4-wheel drive vehicles! Once her husband Wally forgot her birthday – this caused Ivy to remark that he probably got more affection from his pigeons!

Finally Barry, dressed as an Egyptian mummy and Glenda dressed as Cleopatra join all the others after having passed the cops who felt that this was not a problem as the mummy wasn’t driving! The others push Barry in and after various noises and yelps he emerges in shreds – but the dog emerges also wrapped up as a dog-mummy – and therefore harmless. (I am assured that no actors were hurt during this filming – shame really).

Howard and Marina are out cycling – until Howard catches Marina up and she punches him because he has been seeing a Mitzi!

This then was the last of the current series – but fear not; the next series is ready for filming and a visit to Holmfirth in June might be indicated. I shall certainly be there.

Here in the UK it is generally believed that our monarch Queen Elizabeth II watches LOSW; we take the opportunity to congratulate her on her 80th birthday (she is clearly nearly old enough to be in the cast if she so wishes) and trust that after a busy birthday week she has been able to relax and enjoy this last episode of the current series.

Now about Travis………………………….

Gerald

Photos kindly supplied by producer Alan JW Bell. More Photos from the Series Below.

WHO’S THAT TALKING TO LENNY?

Transmitted 16th April 2006

In this Easter Sunday episode Lenny is hearing voices – and from above – but what can it be? A welcome return by UK comedian Bobby Ball who waits patiently for more information; but is he equipped to receive messages?

We start by seeing Billy and Alvin doing a sand dance in Nora’s back yard; she comments that if it is meant for the over-sixties then it is not worth them waiting 60 years for! Alvin wonders what it takes to make her smile; Billy comments that such a task is impossible with Nora wearing those corsets! The guys ask her if she enjoyed any part of their cabaret and she retorts that the beginning wasn’t very good; the end was rather poor and the bit in the middle was rubbish!

Out in the Yorkshire sunshine the gang are reflecting on what may happen in “eternity”; Truly wonders what happens on arrival there if you have had 3 wives and who you would end up with. In the library Marina and Miss Davenport are comparing men with insects and seem confused as to which are the real little creepy crawlies! Marina announces that she is joining an entomology group – but on being questioned admits that it is a group of just 2 persons (and we all know who the other one is of course!)

Out in the countryside the gang find Lenny from the pickle factory (played by Bobby Ball) sitting on a wall; he tells them that he has heard a voice and is hoping to hear it again with further information.

At their home Barry & Glenda are of course debating what Barry should do for a hobby; he chooses stamp collecting which relieves Glenda since it means that he won’t be damaging the furniture. Sticking a stamp in the album did not seem to make the earth move for either of them though!

Out in the Yorkshire hills Lenny is still awaiting the voice; he knows that it is not local since it may have a Barnsley accent. The guys wonder if it has anything to do with the end of the world; Clegg recalls once wasting a whole Tuesday waiting for this once before!

Howard and Marina are out insect collecting, sat on a wall; Howard is delighted that their new excuse means that they can go anywhere. The 2 policemen drive by as the mature lovers dive behind the wall to hide; the cops decide to walk back to investigate………….

Back at Aunty Wainwrights Lenny is being kitted out with a long coat and sandals as the gang feel that being dressed like a wally might help; Truly feels that at least he then looks like a drinker! Lenny wonders whether he should have left his wife Florrie at home but the others assure him that this way he is at least unlikely to hear other voices.

The policemen clamber over the wall and land on Howard & Marina!

In the library Pearl & Nellie are contemplating having designs on men and wonder if this means drawing on their exposed surfaces. Barry & Glenda arrive and Barry searches for a book but is of course surprised by a hidden Miss Davenport.

Back in the heart of Yorkshire the gang find Lenny standing on a wall; Truly concludes that he must therefore be ……….

a wall-nut! Lenny is listening – but still hears nothing; Clegg is being truthful and likens the situation to being timeless – rather like road-repairers! They enlist the help of Entwistle to assist the man with a message so Clegg then notes that this will mean that Lenny might “fall off the back of a Florrie”!

The ladies are having tea; Nellie says that she missed her husband’s mother; she was stood in the road and as she drove by – she missed her! Nora & Ivy recall their respective husbands (always a poignant moment for me as we too remember with great fondness those fine actors who played Wally & Sid).

Next door at Clegg’s the gang decide that Lenny needs an audience and a “crowd puller” to attract them; they remember that all the ladies are close at hand. So, and this was a great moment again, the cabaret is started outside with Billy & Alvin doing their sand dance. Sure enough the crowd forms plus all the ladies; so after the guys finish their dance Lenny walks forward and does …………nothing. He waits for the voice and hears……………nothing. Previously Smiler & Entwistle were considering how they could assist Lenny and come up with a plan that might make him seem like a genius; this came straight from the horse’s mouth. Aunty Wainwright thought that it came from the other end!

The episode ends with Lenny on a bridge being exhorted to jump by the voice (actually Smiler using a loudspeaker of course). Lenny refuses and decides to go home to his wife Florrie; as he goes he chucks his wooden staff over the bridge – and it hits a man in a boat below – played by the other part of the Cannon & Ball comedy duo, Tommy Cannon!

Loads of action and some excellent lines thanks to Roy’s superb script and Alan’s careful filming & production. A good way to celebrate Easter – but I am still concerned about one major thing which worries me enormously; where is Travis? I am still available………………………………..

Gerald

Many thanks to Alan JW Bell for allowing the following photos to be used in this week's review.

WHO’S THAT MERRY MAN WITH BILLY, THEN?

Transmitted 9th April 2006

Now well into the 2006 season this episode concerns Billy finding a suitable recruit for his Merry Men – or has he?

At the start Nora is frightened by the sight of Alvin exercising outside her house dressed in only singlet and shorts – mind you she is mainly concerned about his naked elbows.

Over at Howard’s Nelly and Pearl are watching him cleaning windows in his apron; Pearl reflects that he was never that good in trousers to which Nelly comments that she saw Travis as more like a Golden Labrador. Howard marches over and declares that he should be regarded as a fisher or hunter; Pearl remarks that he usually can’t even find his socks!

The gang react with amazement at Billy’s news that he has a new recruit; they cannot quite grasp the idea that there could be someone as daft and idiotic as he is! But they agree to go and meet this new man off the ‘bus with him after first going to Ivy’s café; here they express the view that the new man will have to be at the peak of his lunacy training, rather like Billy who nevertheless still sees his Merry Men as a sporting fraternity. Clegg feels that Robin Hood only crept into the Greenwood because he was wearing tights!

The gang go to the ‘bus stop and meet the new Merry Man who……………..isn't! That is, he is a “she” by the name of D. W. Cheetham and a very strapping female of the opposite gender.

Out in the town Barry sees Miss Davenport coming and leaves Glenda by dashing into a ladies hairdressers and ends up trying to convince her that he is either hoping to have his hair done or else will treat her; she of course gets upset that there may be something wrong with hers as it is – (well we’ve all been in that situation haven’t we chaps).

Howard asks the guys if they think he is too old to learn to fly; although convulsed with mirth they encourage him of course – he imagines being a jet-jockey but admits to having been sick the last time he flew (which was at a fair-ground).

Stuck with the female Merry Man (described by Truly as Tarzan’s Daughter) Billy is advised by Alvin to set her an “entry/admission” test by shooting arrows at a target – surely an impossible task. Needless to say she scores a bulls-eye with her first arrow!

In the library Miss Davenport and Marina are disturbed by a police raid – well the two policemen come in referring to their usual motto about keeping the thin line, being no stranger to death, the dark under-belly of depravity etc but on discussion it turns out that they enjoy smelling flowers best; indeed one of them is called “daisy” in private. They are of course searching for a desperate character (DWC perhaps?!)

At Aunty Wainwright’s emporium Truly tells Howard that he doesn’t actually need to learn to fly; simply to look like he is. So Howard asks Aunty for some gear; she comments that she sold her last 747 only that morning!

Desperate to get rid of DWC by now, the gang try telling Nora that she is Alvin’s new woman; she responds by telling him to take her back!

Tom and Smiler are busy outside the shop and compare flying experiences; Smiler says that he was too tall for Spitfires and anyhow they did not have one to fit him. Tom establishes that Smiler has only really been up on the occasional roof – but that he did have a moped!

Howard leaves Aunty’s shop resplendent in a flying suit, white scarf and helmet etc ready to convince the folk of Holmfirth that he is learning to fly……..(you just know that it will end in tears..)

The ladies are all gathered having a morning drink and the conversation turns towards those rather strange marriages where the husband is in charge – a state which none can believe exists! Nelly feels that her Travis has limited skills. Glenda comments that a husband is for life, not just for Christmas. At this point Nora turns to her and says “you can just hear your mother, if she was here, saying ‘drink your coffee’”. If only Dame Thora was indeed still there………

The gang try to palm DWC off on to Entwistle to no avail as she refuses to go home. The others comment that she could be Rosie Hood and point out to Billy that he is too weak for her; then they spy flying pilot officer Howard marching by and point DWC in his direction as being more suitable for her “needs”. At the same time Barry stops his car and is told by Miss Davenport that she may have found someone else – so he engages gear and drives off…….. backwards….into the police car which happens to be behind.

Howard and Marina are then seen in the country going “Ooohh” to each other as they do whilst DWC can be seen doing exercises in the nearby field. The scene changes to a nearby pub and the gang are amused to see Howard being tugged by Marina on one arm and DWC on the other. Clegg remarks philosophically that Howard had said that he wanted more excitement – at which point Pearl emerges dragging Howard along by his ear causing Clegg to remark that Air Traffic Control had clearly taken charge!

This was a very visual episode with plenty of shots of the wonderful Yorkshire countryside but perhaps a few less of the witticisms then we normally expect; it was, however as always, a gentle and thoroughly enjoyable half-hour of pure golden humour and entertainment. Is it my imagination or are the women getting less hard on the men? And where is Travis? If they need someone to take on his role then I should of course make myself available as would several hundred thousand of you folk also no doubt! (Gerald)

BARRY IN DANGER OF READING & AUNT JESSIE

Transmitted 2nd April 2006

This delightful episode centres around the concept that Alvin is seen in the company of a mystery woman and Nora & Ivy are determined to find out who she is. After a brief thought as to Alvin’s right to privacy they soon decide that he has none!

Sat on a superb Yorkshire hillside the gang gaze out at the world and muse as to where “it all comes from”; Clegg thinks that the butler did it! Later outside Nora’s house they admit to being addicted to her tea and fruit cake whilst Alvin quietly tells them that the mystery woman is in fact a cousin “on my mums side”; they decide to lead Nora and Ivy on as they were being so nosey; Truly remarks that “as the women were all raised to be nosey ‘round here there was no real need of a police force….”

Howard tells Cleggy that he is upset that Pearl never looks at him; Clegg remarks that this seems a reasonable situation as not looking at each other is one way of reducing stress in a marriage! Nearby, Pearl & Nelly study a local newspaper advert in the personal column concerning “Cutie Pie” and “Golden Boy” and they are sure that this may relate to Howard!

After a try at barrel-rolling in the hills, the gang stagger to their feet and catch sight of Howard & Marina jogging under the name of Wilkinson… it is decided that Billy should dress up as a false woman…. is this really what goes on up there in Yorkshire; maybe we should be told! A wonderful scenario though and one we can only cherish.

Barry calls in at the library to ask for a book about hobbies – but this is of course misunderstood by the desperate Miss Davenport who KISSES him but…….. declines his “offer”; she is delighted at the thought that he might fancy her (which he clearly does not) and feels that this should be their secret.

Visiting Aunty Wainwright’s emporium the gang catch Aunty in a serious mood reflecting on her wait for Mr Right – her one true love – MONEY! Truly says that they need something cheap in a frock and Aunty replies that there used to be plenty of those about but now they wear jeans!

Pearl & Nelly place an advert encouraging those they think might be Howard and Marina to meet in a country pub called the Monkey at 7pm; meanwhile Billy is seen looking devine in a dress (though someone thinks he looks like a pillock – and no I cant give a US translation of that word, sorry) and he ponders as to whether the original Robin Hood ever had to wear a bra; Clegg reminds him that he certainly wore tights!

Glenda attempts to rouse Barry from his trance failing miserably until she mentions library books and he says that he is not reading any more….. meanwhile Alvin is seen leaving his house with Billy dressed as a woman….

The two policemen are sat in their car discussing…………..

tight underpants – they are convinced that their wives shrink them; they see a horrible looking woman……….

Howard is seen moaning to Barry that he seems to come second to the furniture in his house; this wouldn’t be so bad if only that wasn’t already secondhand!

Later Marina and Miss Davenport encounter Barry & Howard and Barry dashes off with Billy to avoid his rampant librarian to the amusement of the watching gang.

The various parties to the plot set off to go to the Monkey pub to see who is meeting which person and why etc. We hear of an amazing bit of history in that Ivy seems to have had to fight off an enthusiastic insurance man in her shed once; Nora remarks that you cant beat the safety of a full length shapeless apron.

In the pub Pearl & Nelly (still no sign of Travis yet; maybe we should petition Roy Clarke to produce him?!) are sat in disguise to see who turns up; nearby Ivy & Nora plus Barry & Glenda are also sat watching events. Deep in the heart of Yorkshire Howard & Marina are having trouble……………. getting their bikes through heavy woodland and they go for………….. a short cut.

Pearl & Nelly are confronted by “Mrs GoldenBoy” who was another female simply trying to catch her male out! This character made my evening by remarking that Nelly (the wonderful June Whitfield) looked okay but Pearl (the equally terrific Juliette Kaplan) looked ferocious!

So all was sort of resolved – I think - until Howard & Marina turn up outside the pub looking very dishrevelled; Alvin sees Nora watching him so kisses the nearest blonde (actually Marina) – and our fantasy half-hour comes to a gentle end once again.

We are so fortunate in having this amazing gang of talented people entertain us in this way – but then I am clearly biased! Long may it continue – don’t you think?

Gerald

THE GENUINE OUTDOORS ROBIN HOOD BARBI

Transmitted on 26th March 2006

Something’s cooking as the gang are promised a perfect barbecue by Billy – in the great outdoors – without any newfangled portable contraptions; another set of spontaneous antics by the ‘bus pass gang.

This episode starts with the sight of Howard being chained up by Pearl and cuts to Alvin breakfasting outside Nora’s steps and suggesting to her that she might care to slip into something more comfortable – like a good mood!

Howard fails to get Cleggy to deliver yet another note to Marina telling him that he needs some advice regarding his inner self; Clegg feels that this is bound to be affected by Howard being fundamentally sneaky 40 times a week and even ready for overtime! Pearl and Nelly reflect on Howard’s quest for freedom – he has worn out 3 bicycles – and Alvin arrives looking very smart in his best suit and kisses the ladies’ hands. They comment that the tendency to creep is a wonderful aspect of insanity!

Billy tries to get the others enthused at the prospect of a proper BBQ telling them that his wife and her sister’s ideas are bad enough without the need for modern BBQs with their terrible food. And so he decides to treat all the gang to a proper fire and they set off for the wild green yonder in the woods ; not exactly Sherwood Forest (looked a bit like the woods near Penistone Moor to me).

Miss Davenport and Marina are plotting to get fit with Marina doing simple exercises that seem more like fairy tales. Marina is sure she can lose some weight here and there – but maybe not the bits in between! Marina worries that she is “losing it” as she was just ignored by a man in the street; this was serious since ……… she went back to him twice! As she jumps up and down, waving her arms about, she hits Howard who has just arrived!

At Barry & Glenda’s, Barry is determined (again) to improve his image – no more “kissing” etc but “a new me” –

Mr Monster; he later leaves with car tyres burning causing Pearl & Nelly (no sign of Travis of course) to give Glenda the advice that she should deal with this by “adjusting his protein and not doing any ironing”.

Deep in the heart of Yorkshire the policemen are sat and debating whether one is a mine of wisdom – or a t***t. They decide that they are not waiting for anything but enjoying the scenery, peace & quiet – which is of course the cue for the gang to arrive and disturb their “taking five”. Asked for directions they naturally refuse on the grounds of national security in order to keep one step ahead with the element of surprise etc. One can only assume that there are no problems with recruitment in the Yorkshire police ranks!

The gang travel further along wooded tracks to find the perfect spot; they eventually find one and after trying to light the sticks and logs by rubbing twigs together Billy tries some matches – (Clegg is worried that he might hold matches in contempt!)

Meanwhile in Ivy’s Café the ladies are considering the habits of some of the menfolk and Pearl expresses her fears over Howard’s interests and likes! Nelly naturally says she looks after Travis closely – I do hope we get to see him at least from a distance…….. Nora declares that the world has gone to pieces since it lost respect for misery……….in the woods Howard wonders whether getting fitter with Marina will mean he will need yet another but faster bicycle.

Finally, in the woods (or is it) Entwistle gets the fire going for Billy causing huge clouds of white smoke everywhere (just before Cleggy wonders whether to send off for some fish and chips). Truly, contemplating the prospect of burnt offerings, recalls the former Mrs Truelove’s efforts in that direction – she apparently “raised salmonella as pets”!

Well the smoke drives Howard and Marina out into the open – which is of course the golf course - where Barry is trying to impress his golf captain by using Tom and Smiler (looking very respectable in their golfing pullovers) as caddy and golf pro. But the captain (great to see Trevor Bannister reprising his role here again – no doubt everyone recalls him in Are You Being Served with Truly in the guise as Captain Peacock) – well he feels that Tom and Smiler look more like Laurel & Hardy. The smoke drives everyone away covering their faces with soot etc.

Pearl and Nelly encounter Howard trudging home duly blackened closely followed by the lovely Marina; the ladies agree that dust really does get everywhere.

I really enjoyed this episode – loads of great lines and witticisms – beautiful scenery –and the likes of Billy and Alvin and Miss Davenport and Entwistle really establishing themselves – alongside our corps of ancient leading pensioners – all, as the BBC says, conveying humour as fresh as the Yokshire air. Now if only we could see Foggy make a guest return appearance perhaps………………….

Gerald

(Photos Courtesy Clive, of the Summer Wine Appreciation Society)

HAS ANYONE SEEN BARRY’S MIDLIFE CRISIS?

THE 250TH LOTSW EPISODE: TRANSMITTED 19TH MARCH 2006

Using Aunty Wainwright’s lightweight scaffolding is Truly’s idea for rescuing Howard from his bedroom where he is imprisoned by Pearl. This cheerful episode starts as Howard tries to make a break for it but finds that his bicycle has been alarmed and she has imposed a “24 hour lock-down” in order that he may do some wallpapering.

Meanwhile some of the gang have joined Alvin “al fresco” outside his and Nora’s steps for breakfast and it becomes clear that Billy’s breakfast leaves him mentally scarred with or without marmalade – or breakfast for that matter. He comments that he misses warmth and affection but has daily niggles and only ever gets to kiss the cat goodnight at his house. (Presumably at least the cat responds…)

Outside the homes of Howard & Pearl and Cleggy, the guys accept the challenge to get Howard out; Clegg feels that he would rather iron a shirt. They try various efforts and decide that “he who laughs at danger”, namely Billy, should be the one to clamber up on a plank and trestles to apparently fill some holes in the front of Clegg’s wall. Watching, Pearl and Nelly think that Billy is nearly as slow as if they had married him! When they move off the others try putting the plank up to the window for Howard to attempt to slide down thereby creating a very non-photogenic angle of Howard’s tail.

Barry is standing with something on his mind – not just one egg or two for breakfast but whether he has missed out by not having a midlife crisis. If not, then he wants one!

Marina and Miss Davenport are in the library discussing their boy-next-door romances; Marina says that hers looked more like the door. Entwistle enters with …… a non-existant dog which (with a tape recorder) apparently barks.

Out in the beautiful Yorkshire hills and valleys Smiler and Tom are pushing a cart of Aunty’s junk – well Smiler is with Tom supervising of course. They stop for a tea to discuss the complexities of life – in Smiler’s case this is ‘bus timetables – and they ponder the after-life and infinity. At which point the police car smashes into the cart and the cops reflect on it being bandit country. Smiler is meanwhile reflecting on his brown toenails and one of the policemen wonders why he doesn’t use crimson blush on them! As they reflect on life the police drink the lads tea and recall stories of dead dogs etc. Later the cart collapses and Entwistle collects them – but telling them to mind the dog in the back – which, as they load up – he makes “bark”.

Back at Aunty’s she gets under the cart to repair it causing Clegg, who has arrived with the gang, to ask if she was dead and to hope that it was nothing serious! Truly spies the scaffolding and back they go to Howard.

Inside at Pearl’s the ladies are drinking tea and are clear that no-one had midlife crises in their day; a tablet with a drain rod effect usually did the trick on their husbands. Nelly tells them about Travis and how dependent upon her he is; Pearl says that Howard hasn’t finished adolescence yet! Mentioning how sometimes others insult her hats (no surprise to the others there then!) Nora reminds Pearl that she has a new hat upstairs.

Barry has cornered the vicar who to his amazement starts to tell him too much information – all the gory details regarding the church warden etc….

Howard had only wanted to be “free as nature intended” but then Marina was at least twice what nature ever intended.

Miss Davenport and Marina start painting watercolours out in the country but soon decide to go for a drink instead as it was just possible that their first blush of youth might have passed.

In the end the gang use the scaffolding on the back of the van and Billy gets up to Howard’s window; Billy makes a noise and Pearl arrives instead and forces the new hat, which she no longer likes, down on to Billy’s head saying that in any event she had thrown Howard out in view of his long face! The inevitable crash happens with the collapse of all bits, pieces and descendants of Robin Hood everywhere.

Finally the police are seen still puzzling over Entwistle’s invisible “dog”; Barry feels that the vicar must have had more fun than him and we see Howard and Marina, united together at last, sat at the painting easel. And Howard refers to “broad beans” – can anyone explain that one to me please – mind you my dictionary refers to “an erect annual Eurasian bean plant cultivated for its large edible flattened seeds” – no I am not even going to think further about that after all……………….still no sign of Travis………………….

Gerald

HOW TO REMOVE A COUSIN
Transmitted on 12th March 2006 

This episode epitomizes that which makes this series, now well into its fourth decade, so popular with those like me who enjoy the gentler side of humour. Basically Clegg’s cousin Aubrey has taken up residence with poor old Clegg, who prefers to be alone at home, and threatens the end of the gang’s gentler walks. A hill-racing bicycle race ensues as Aubrey endeavours to make Billy and Alvin health fanatics as he purports to be.

At the start we see another exchange between Alvin and Nora Batty; he considers trying to stir her blood; she remarks that it would take a bigger spoon! Entwistle goes to the library and gets kissed by Miss Davenport.

Cleggy is trapped at his home by Aubrey and actually asks Howard for help. Pearl delivers some milk which Aubrey rejects as he thinks Clegg should have the reduced fat variety; she remarks that Howard could have that as there is even less of him. The guys wonder whether Alexander the Great had a packed lunch when he went off conquering as you cannot conquer on an empty stomach!

Glenda & Barry are debating how Barry can become less conspicuous on the golf course; Glenda muses that women like Nora Batty can only attract men by making quality Yorkshire Puddings!

Back at Clegg’s house the gang and Howard & Pearl are all seriously concerned for his safety and decide that Nora’s assistance might be called for. In the library Marina & Miss Davenport reflect on romantic life and the likelihood of finding it in one’s seventies; they decide that romance may be the last thing to go being a race against arthritis!

At Aunty Wainwright’s emporium Smiler & Tom are persuaded by her to become shop dummies with wigs and rouge. Meanwhile outside Cleggs, Aubrey is taunting the gang about their fitness and accuses them of being aimless; Truly remarks that this is what they do best! Life is too short (like Howard) and anyway they are not simply aimless, they try to be seriously pathetic! And so Aubrey challenges Billy and Alvin to some bicycle hill racing; needless to say both Clegg and Howard offer them their bikes so as to avoid their having to take part in such madness.

We later see Billy and Alvin slowly cycling up a hill (right by Howard & Marina who hide of course) but being watched from far further up the hill by Aubrey. You can guess which ones are really puffed; well no actually because its Marina since Howard has fallen on top of her…………I kid you not!

The ladies debate the situation over coffee and decide that Nora should try a blonde wig which she later tries to obtain from Aunty Wainwright but falls foul of some “dummies”. She feels that she shouldn’t really tamper with nature; anyway she had never been tampered with (– had she really forgotten Compo already?! Don’t think so); anyhow Miss Davenport lets her have a blonde wig to try…………Nelly is still talking to Travis – bet we never get to see him….!

Later on and outside yet another pub(lic house) set in the sunny Yorkshire countryside Entwistle, Clegg & Truly see that although Aubrey won the hill race, he lost at beer drinking and was being carried back by the others.

At the conclusion, the various situations are resolved or otherwise in true comedy style. Howard creeps up to a blonde sitting on a park bench – only to discover that it is Nora! Aubrey leaves on the ‘bus; Barry gets discovered disguised as a bush on the golf course by the club captain and Howard & Marina discover that Pearl is watching them watching her through their binoculars.

This was another masterpiece of gentle British comedy; sure we have seen it all before but the remarkable Roy Clarke and Alan Bell ensure that they never fail to inject a fresh approach with the odd surprise which still endears me, and also I guess you folk who have taken the trouble to visit this especial site, without fail. This surely is the antidote to the “nothing to watch on tv tonight” ailment which can afflict us all in our various different locations throughout the world.

Didn’t see the policemen in this episode though……maybe next time!

Gerald

Follow That Bottle!
Transmitted BBC1 Sunday March 5th 2006

It is early on a March Sunday evening in the UK and TV viewers who appreciate the good things in life are tuned to BBC1 where the haunting sound of the wonderful Last of the Summer Wine theme on the harmonica means that the latest series is under way for yet another year. It is our time to be transported back to our memories of the past and to simpler times where it now seems, in either hindsight or pure nostalgia, to have been a warmer and more comfortable world.

This cracking episode, full of everything we have come to expect, starts outside Nora Batty’s house; Alvin is watching her dealing with some washing and remarks that she might be ok if she was “done up a bit”. Nora remarks that anything beyond being clean and tidy was “asking for trouble!” The gang of four (Clegg, Truly, Alvin & Billy) are musing on the banks of a river; they reflect on the fact wedding hats are getting longer but marriages are getting shorter! They spy a bottle floating by with a message in it and the episode covers the various exploits whereby they try to retrieve it. Truly recalls standing on Southend Pier once with a bottle and message together with the former Mrs Truelove - and throwing the wrong one in!

We see the policemen protecting the public from total anarchy – well actually drinking coffee. Their nerves of steel fail to prevent the coffee being spilt but they console themselves that hot trousers are supposed to stimulate a marriage.

Meanwhile Howard encounters a stranger who is seeking Clegg; egged on by Pearl they seek to find out why.

At Wainwrights bric-a-brac Aunty dresses Smiler up in a suit of ancient armour despite him saying that it is junk – a four-letter word in her eyes! When Barry & Glenda turn up Barry remarks that Smiler looks like the “longest knight of the year”. They have come to get Barry a hat.

Eventually and after trying several ways of retrieving the bottle with its message inside, leading to first Billy then Alvin falling in (Alvin being worried that it he is wet then Nora may find him irresistible) they obtain the message which turns out to be…………… an offer of £1,000 off a new fitted kitchen! Clegg finds out that the stranger seeking him is Aubrey – who follows him from the ends of the earth (well Huddersfield anyway). Martina is in the library reflecting that short men are better than nothing and the ladies are at the café teasing Barry over his new hat (“more hat than he knows what to do with”).

Arriving back at Clegg’s house the gang see Aubrey who dashes over and tells Cleggy that he has a new job and can offer him £1,000 off a new … well you know what!

A great episode full of all the usual joys of life; while I think of it, it’s always worth watching very closely when our favourite policeman Ken Kitson is on since, as an accomplished actor of considerable experience, he is able to put so much into his scenes. But then they are all so good in what they do.

All in all an enjoyable effort all round; well written, well directed and acted, oh and filmed in HD also which certainly seems to give an even better view of the marvelous Yorkshire countryside. (No HD doesn’t stand for Holmfirth delight – even though it always is and long may it continue!)

Gerald