The Reviews...

Every LOTSW Series 2005 - Plus a Few Other Gems!

LITTLE  ORPHAN  HOWARD
Transmitted BBC1 Sunday 29th May 2005

And finally – for 2005 – a mischievous few words from Clegg leads Howard to believe that he was found on a doorstep as an abandoned baby & Alvin has his own problems with a load of kite and Entwistle tries his hand at fishing.   Another great episode to round off the season!

It starts with Nora following some string around the yard until she finds a sign from Alvin stating “at the other end if you want me”!   She catches him with a kite (because his train set was off the rails) and he tells her he has no time for flirting with old widows and then he……….

tickles her under the chin!!!    Clearly a romance is in the wind for the next series.    Roz and Pearl discuss their relationships with men and Roz feels that strawberries and cream has been replaced by baked beans particularly after one’s first hip replacement.   A joyful Howard waltzes by en route to Cleggs causing Pearl to describe him as being a black-pudding-eating  little person from Transylvania.   Later with the other ladies they reflect on their relationships with  men: “we work, they play!”   Nora feels that bonding only relates to mending furniture.

Down by the river, Tom, Entwistle & Smiler are fishing; well the others are trying to teach Entwistle to fish causing him to wonder about over-excitement procedures.  

Out in the hills the first attempt by Alvin to fly his kite is of course doomed – to the great amusement of the others so they re-group back in town.

Back at Cleggs, Howard is told that his mother was called Hetty and not Elsie and that he was an orphan and left on a doorstep.   He is absolutely shocked – into silence -  making the others wonder if he is dead; when he recovers a little, he comments that “no-one cares since the budgie died”.

Nora and Ivy decide to purchase a piano from Aunty Wainwright which is destined for the village hall.   Aunty’s “express team” will deliver it – but actually it is only poor Smiler and Tom with the inevitable hand-cart.

Barry and Glenda reflect on their marriage with Barry feeling that Mrs Pegdon, his mother-in-law may still somehow be watching them; he remembers with feeling the moment of tension when, at their wedding, the vicar asked if there was any impediment as to why they should not marry….. and he waited to see if Edie would say anything!

Back in the Yorkshire hills again, further efforts are being made to fly Alvin’s kite.    Alvin feels that with the universe in balance then his skill as an airy arts master would prevail; sadly the world fails him and he falls off the wall  - on to his airy arts of course.   Truly observes that he is surrounded by two dedicated tulips and a drink is suggested; they dump their bikes over the wall and head off in Entwistle’s truck.   Before making it to the pub another effort to launch the kite is made with Billy doing the honours behind the moving truck despite  commenting that “his underpants have started smoking”.  Alvin reflects that he is going to attempt Mount Everest next – by bicycle!

Meanwhile the two redoubtable Yorkshire cops are having a picnic and relaxing in the sunshine whilst debating life after death.   They close their eyes to increase their “sensitivity levels” and…………..

hear harp music – which of course turns out to be Tom and Smiler strumming the wires inside the piano they are supposed to be delivering.    Back in town Barry comes home and discovers Glenda working on the engine of his car as a bonding exercise and he quickly ushers her away.

The cops decide to do some wall-walking and one vaults over the wall – on top of several bicycles left there by we-know-who!

Near some woods Marina discovers Howard in his funeral suit looking for comfort.   Despite him being concerned about being an orphan, adopted and found on a doorstep, she is more concerned that her blonde hairs will show up on his dark suit!   Then all is well when the kite is finally launched and flies into their view bearing the words “Come Back Howard, You’re Not Adopted” on it.   Cue for some “oh Howard, Oh Marina” and a definite clinch at last!   The episode ends with Clegg confessing to Howard that he really was only joking and pulling his leg – Howard is not convinced and wants to know which leg!

So there it is; the end of the current series.   But the good news is, as if you didn’t know, that filming starts in and around Holmfirth very shortly for the 2006 series for which I, for one, am truly glad.

On behalf of the fans all over the world our sincerest thanks must go to all the actors who give us so much pleasure:  Peter Sallis, Frank Thornton,  Keith Clifford,  Brian Murphy,  Kathy Staff,  Stephen Lewis,

Bert Kwouk,  Josephine Tewson,  Jane Freeman,  Tom Owen,  Robert Fyfe,  Juliette Kaplan,  Jean Ferguson,  Jean Alexander,

Dora Bryan,  Mike Grady,  Sarah Thomas,  Ken Kitson & Louis Emmerick.   And of course our enormous thanks to Producer/Director

Alan J. W. Bell,  music by Ronnie Hazelhurst, all the many production crew and the man without whom none of all this would have happened – the superbly talented and prolific writer ROY CLARKE.

Keep on checking this site and we’ll keep on keeping you informed as it is still NOT the Last of the Summer Wine!

LOT No. 8
Transmitted BBC1 Sunday 15th May 2005 

6.20pm on a May Sunday evening in the UK means it’s time for half an hour of pure escapism courtesy of the folk who occupy that mystical place – Summer Wine country. This episode concerns the after effects of Aunty Wainwright buying a mysterious lot at an auction; but what is it and what should she do with it?

Truly and Billy are sitting on a wall and one asks the other “are we set in our ways?” “No” says the other as they……..roller-skate off! 

This sets the pace for a brilliantly funny episode filed with a really excellent comedy dialogue and lots of action from our Yorkshire senior citizens. Alvin is first seen at Norah’s front door with a tray of buns he has just baked and he ask her to try one. Not bad” she says “bit light on fat but quite tasty”; “yes” says Alvin, “but what about the bun”! Meanwhile Entwhistle is getting Miss Davenport to take an interest in truck maintenance pointing out that in the town of Hull, such an interest shown by a woman demonstrates a real mark of respect. (Later we see her changing a wheel after a flat tyre on Entwhistle’s truck).

Out and about the gang (Clegg, Truly, Billy & Alvin) see Smiler and Tom pushing the inevitable hand-cart containing ……..well, Lot 8. Pleas to disclose what Lot 8 is fall on deaf ears but Tom points out that Smiler can’t keep a secret; Smiler comments that he has never had one to keep!

At Aunty Wainwright’s Marina is seen leaving with a portable folding stove and tea-maker and remarks that she went in for some jewellry. The gang arrives with Lot 8 and it seems that it is 4 useful containers……..or is it…

Barry and Glenda have one of their philosophical discourses and she accuses him of looking married despite their promising each other that they would never look married. She asks him where his sparkle is – he says he doesn’t sparkle in the morning. This topic is continued by the ladies at the café where Norah and Ivy agree that Barry looks married causing Glenda to wonder if they ever had any excitement in their marriages. Both Ivy and Norah say that they did and then quote totally non-exciting occurrences. When Roz joins in, the topic later turns to stable relationships and she recalls having one in a stable! They all agree that keeping a man nervous makes the basis for a good marriage.

Back at Aunty Wainwright’s Clegg is doing rather well at resisting Aunty’s sales pitch; she reverts to chatting but he sees this as her spinning a web and clears off with her calling “chicken” and him squawking as he departs.

The containers turn out to be coffins so naturally the guys decide that one would make a great racing trolley (so that in future bodies would have no need of a hearse of course.) Emerging from what looked rather like a larger version of Wesley’s shed ( don’t we miss Wesley) the guys try the trolley out to no avail. They go to the café to Ivy’s disgust (she thinks they are all off their trolleys) and, with Barry, soon get chucked out.

Out on the road in the sunny Yorkshire countryside Howard finds Marina in a stroppy mood because of her noisy portable gear purchased earlier; she wonders what else there is to look forward to and Howard says that they’ll find a quiet place and then they will be able to………..well, have a cup of tea. As they wend their way up a familiar hill an escaping coffin crashes into them (having been launched in error by the gang).

Tom and Smiler as next seen in Aunty Wainwright’s looking for some country and western gear to wear; Smiler removes his braces and tries Tom’s belt but this gives way and his trousers fall down. The resulting sight reminds Aunty that she must defrost a chicken….. Continuing their reminiscences Ivy and Norah admit that they did actually love their husbands but Norah comments that Wally had to leave his “sparkle” outside. Out in the hills the weight of the coffin causes the gang to put it down and lie down themselves for a rest; a passing van driver sees the coffin and Alvin apparently rising from it….. and of course crashes into the passing police car. Later one of the coffins is used as a boat by Alvin – but it sinks of course causing Alvin to remark that it is ideal if he is going to drown!

This is a fine Summer Wine episode with excellent pace and really well put together; oh and the coffins are last seen outside Aunty Wainwright’s with a sign advertising them as single wardrobes. And as a great final touch the lights are going out at Barry and Glenda’s and she is heard saying “don’t forget your sparkle Barry” followed by “Oh Barry!”

Nice. 

Gerald 

THE  AFTERTHOUGHTS  OF  A  CO-OP MANAGER

Transmitted BBC1 Sunday 8th May 2005

An old flame from Marina’s past has run off to Australia and this encourages Truly to be truly rotten and to try to persuade her to give Howard up out of respect for her lost love.  This is an episode filled with sunshine, humour and, at the very end, pathos.  The Yorkshire countryside looks at its best as our favourite actors act out a marvelous much-ado-about-nothing snapshot of a day in their lives.

During the episode both Alvin and Billy attempt to leap over a small stream but fail with obvious consequences leading Norah and Ivy to wonder why they bother.  Alvin said he was trying to save a drowning woman who sank like a stone because she “couldn’t keep her trap shut”.

Clegg tries to recall the name of a manager at the local Co-op (store) who was so very unpleasant and asks everyone if they know of him.  He thinks that his name might be Pillsworth and it seems that there was a father and a son locally of that name.  Chatting with Miss Davenport the topic of football crops up and maybe one of the Pillsworths was a full-back; Marina felt that in her case she was a full-front!

Barry’s friendship with Mr Teesdale (who turns out to be called Herman) blossoms as Teesdale has never met anyone whose car is paid for;  they consider the fact that Teesdale’s wife only hugs him when she is frightened.

In Aunty Wainwrights Norah and Ivy are enjoying a cup of tea (which they were no doubt charged for) and explaining to Aunty that the vicar is worried about her as one of the local “old people”.  Norah comments that “we are none of us as young as we used to be” to which Aunty replies that she was “never as young as I used to be”.

Drinking with the lads Marina is told about her Ronald Pillsworth being in Australia and Truly refers to his having acquired the local native customs namely gambling and drinking!  Truly said he must be fast to wrestle crocodiles and Marina says wistfully “oh yes , he was fast…..”  She is concerned that if he ever returns there might be some bits missing!  It is suggested that she remains true to Ronald’s memory at which she states that she has done….. except for annual holidays;  Truly then says she should refrain from seeing Howard at least for a while to avoid Ronald being “moody round the billabong”.

Back at the library Teesdale fails to convince Barry that he should wear a stocking mask to frighten Teesdale’s wife into her husband’s arms for a “cuddle” but after Barry tries on a stocking over his head and frightens Glenda and Miss Davenport, he declines, telling Teesdale to do it himself.  This he later does after the obligatory brush with the law who later try the idea out for themselves.

Billy’s attempt at leaping over the stream fails of course due naturally to a prevailing cross-wind – or so he says.  Back at the café the ladies wonder why the men are always getting wet and the conversation turns to the trauma caused in their marriages after they realized that their husbands did not used to require two tomatoes with their cooked breakfasts – a state of affairs bordering on the un-faithful.  Roz points out to Norah that a nightdress should not be an extension to a hot water bottle.

Howard and Marina reflect on her past romance; Marina considers that she has a reputation as a lonely but faithful flower in a garden of weeds but Howard remains concerned. Marina ponders over her Ronald wrestling crocodiles and soon moves her thoughts on to wondering whether he could get her some genuine hand-bags and shoes from the skins!

In a masterpiece of skillful writing at the very end of this episode Roy Clarke has Clegg suddenly remember the name of the manager at the Co-Op…. it was Illingworth and there was no need to have negative thoughts about him, since he died in World War 2 as Captain Illingworth.  A real moment of pathos and sad reflection for them and us, the viewers,  coming as it did on this the anniversary of V E Day (Victory in Europe day) some 60 years after that conflict ended.  It is amazing how such moments at the end of a comedy programme can have such an effect on us and make us realize how lucky we all are that so many of the former generation were prepared to lay down their lives for us.  A gentle episode with a powerful ending – thank you Roy, we need these now and then…….

Gerald

THE  McDONAGHS OF JAMISON STREET
Transmitted BBC1 Sunday 1st May 2005

 
Smiler’s war-time encounter with a female who once encouraged him to “look her up sometime” (without leaving her address of course) leads the others to try and assist him to find her again.   Despite the added participation of Norah Batty and Glenda, all does not go smoothly due to some re-housing and canine problems.  This provides us with another most enjoyable gentle comedy gem from the team.

Smiler recalls the lady in question – a Mavis McDonagh – as a failed opportunity in his early life and wishes he had not failed to try and see her.  This is all the others need and they remember that Jamison Street, where she used to live, has been demolished and the residents re-housed!   Nora is amazed that this encounter happened and feels that although she enjoys  some “misery” Smiler overdoes it; in her day they didn’t have hormones as nothing could get past their corsets.

Howard is having an ageing crisis and worries that his looks may be declining and his complexion fading; he asks Pearl if he should grow a beard – she replies that he should just grow!   He wonders if she still finds him attractive and she replies “what do you mean ‘still’”; is he still Mr Magic and she says she was Miss-led!   Howard demands to know when he started to lose his appeal; Pearl says that it was when they were on honeymoon!

Meanwhile it is established that the re-housed residents may now be in Pepworth Street and the gang makes its way there to see if Smiler’s lost female is still there. Tom and Smiler are trying to help Aunty Wainwright with an old shed whilst Barry is playing with his lap-top giving Glenda an opportunity to “borrow” his precious car.   Howard is sold a Spanish-looking goatee false beard by Aunty Wainwright having decided that a full beard makes him look like Old Father Thyme except in his case he would end up being the Shortest day of the Year!   Marina turns up and naturally was very concerned in case Howard spills egg on his beard and says that she too can give him a free onion. You need to think about that one.   (At this point we have a quick “Oh Howard, Oh Marina” exchange which has been missing for a short while… great stuff!)

Back at the possible location of Smiler’s old flame Billy is attacked by a dog and his trousers are ripped to shreds which makes him realize why Robin Hood wore tights! Fortunately Glenda, who with Norah is also now present at the scene, lends him one of her skirts to cover up for his ride home in the back of Entwhistle’s truck.   There is a CAR CHASE  …… well Glenda is seen belting along in Barry’s car with Norah  and Tom as passengers trying to catch up with Smiler who is of course tanking along in his old U.S. automobile.   Eventually Smiler catches sight of a strange female (actually Billy in the skirt) and gives up as always.

Musing over the day’s events at the pub Truly reminds Billy that whilst dressed as a woman he had 3 offers of marriage and one offer of a trip to Cleethorpes;  Howard and Marina having sheltered in the old shed outside Aunty Wainwright’s emporium, are last seen being unknowingly transported away by Entwhistle………

This was a well-balanced episode and the plot was a vehicle to give all our favourite actors a chance to do that which Roy Clarke writes for them to do so well.   I noticed that on the same day here in the UK another superb comedy by Roy namely “Keeping Up Appearances” was also on.   When you also recall “Open All Hours” etc one can only marvel at this man’s talent for producing superb British comedy.   Oh and during the week on a day-time soap “Doctors” in which Peter Sallis had once played a part,  I was delighted to see Juliette Kaplan portraying a formidable flower-arranging group leader as a slightly more sophisticated soul than Pearl!

Actually I hardly watch any television at all these days……………………

Gerald

AVAILABLE  FOR  WEDDINGS
Transmitted BBC1 Sunday 24th April 2005

 
Another well crafted episode in which poor Clegg cycles down a hillside for a short-cut and suffers a fractured foot.  Truly deduces that the accident could have been avoided if Clegg’s bicycle had been fitted with tyres of the studded variety.

It was good to see Peter Sallis (Clegg) used in nearly every scene and also quite uncanny to see Brian Murphy (Alvin) being seen increasingly as a Compo replacement. The old gag involving some hidden terror behind a wall caused Nora Batty to trot over from her famous steps in Holmfirth to see what or who was attacking Alvin; needless to say it was simply a device to get her concerned.   Clearly Alvin doesn’t fancy her though!

Tom and Smiler are seen regularly in their old US automobile as Smiler considers selling it -  perhaps to Auntie Wainwright. See photo above. Tom feels that the car should be used for weddings causing Smiler to comment that he met some nice friends at his wedding and he was sorry when they had to leave!   Meanwhile Marina and Miss Davenport liaise over their thwarted marriage attempts over the years.

High in the beautiful Yorkshire hills Clegg, Billy & Alvin contemplate going off-road as a short-cut back home; although Clegg feels this is daft, Billy asks what insanity is for unless you can share it with your friends.   The conversation somehow turns to Dracula; no not the Transylvanian one but a Yorkshireman called E. J. Draculathwaite! The difference apparently being that the Yorkshire one went for your wallet rather than your throat.  They set off down the steep hillside across the fields……. and it transpires that Clegg fractures his foot after encountering a wall.

Meanwhile Howard & Pearl are discussing marital harmony and Pearl says “you take the wheely-bin out more than me”.  To which Howard replies “well you can close the lid on a wheely bin!”   In a separate conversation on the same topic Entwhistle remarks that he only takes his wife out after dark.

Back up on the hills Truly suggests that studded tyres are the answer; but while they are considering this Clegg, sat in a side-car attached to his bicycle with no brakes or “chocks” runs off down the road frightening the usual 2 policemen.

Barry tells Glenda that he feels the call of the wild and appears in interesting shorts – bought apparently on his mother-in-law’s advice since she didn’t think short shorts were the thing!   Barry is worried that he is falling behind caveman’s standards.

Using studded tyres makes matters even more tricky for Billy even though he considers himself to be “grace under pressure”.   Back in town the ladies are debating the habits of their menfolk (I do like the way they still effectively recall their late husbands).   Nora says that she never ever saw hers in shorts; Ivy felt that their men used to have a natural flair for “decent scruffy”.   They all agreed that “spending more than you can afford hadn’t been invented” in their day!

Pearl remarks that when Howard is in a sleeping bag it makes people wonder if “mummy is a kangaroo”!

Back in the hills Alvin prepares to ride down in the spiked bike and sidecar but needless to say the plans go awry and it is Clegg who once again ends up going down the hills into the distance startling and disturbing both Barry & Glenda and Marina & Howard en route.   They all end up at a pub of course and see the large car go by with Smiler dressed up as a bride and looking “more for work than pleasure”!

There is a lot to enjoy in this episode and it moves swiftly on like an old Hollywood comic movie.    By the way, I wonder how many UK TV  viewers saw Kathy Staff (Nora Batty) on the Paul O’Grady Show last week in connection with her long-standing role as Doris Luke in the soap Crossroads – looking wonderful as she always does in real life and with not a curler in sight.  As Compo used to say “I do love a lass that knows how to hold her tackle”!!

Gerald

WHO’S  THAT  MOUSE  IN  THE  POETRY  GROUP?

Transmitted BBC1 Sunday 17th April 2005

This latest episode of Summer Wine’s marathon run was another Clarke & Bell masterpiece with Smiler pretending to be an intellectual in order to enchant Marina.  This prompts Howard to go to great rodent-like lengths to keep an eye on them at the meeting of the Poetry Group.

After some glimpses of Marina apparently alone on a park bench we realise that she is talking to Howard who is of course hidden in the nearby bushes – a move which doesn’t fool passers-by who greet BOTH of them!

Alvin comes face to face with Norah Batty’s legs – and remarks that her stockings are coming down.  She refutes this so he remarks that therefore her legs must be coming up!

The gang discuss whether or not Smiler has a brain and are not entirely sure since he still uses a ‘bus pass.  In a discussion about brain-power Clegg remarks that he was considered borderline for his job as a lino salesman and others had to pull strings to get him accepted. 

Barry and Glenda discuss shrinking underpants and at Aunty Wainwrights it is felt that Smiler should have a new image with a new wardrobe plus a piano.  Smiler finds becoming brainy can be very hard and fails to collect anything suitable from the library.

The scene switches to a field where the gang are seen posing like statues with Clegg watching from a nearby gate.  Clegg paints a remarkable picture as to what is happening to a couple of passers-by and explains that it is a fertility rite; ugly but realistic!  He muses on about their standing there until Michelmass Eve when maidens arrive to dance etc etc.  The passers-by feel that Alvin looks rather like  Pan.   The others later comment that this must be “frying” and not the god!

Back at the café the ladies are interrupted in their gossip -  about one of their number who had a penchant for rugby players -  by the gang returning for tea and their gossip being about love.  Truly comments that he married for love – but got the wrong address!  Clegg agrees about how love was and comments wistfully that in their day there were not the opportunities for self-service!

At the meeting of the Poetry Group Smiler is seen resplendent in tweed jacket, cap etc sat close to Marina in a packed room when in come the gang plus a large mouse (which turns out to be Howard of course, who else).  Marina starts a recitation entitled “What is Love?” and Smiler (once again with Stephen Lewis at his very best) answers “well that is rhetorical if not misleading” & “that depends upon the physical as well as intellectual side with the flesh asserting itself “  etc etc in similar vein.  It was a joy to hear Stephen being himself  and using such big words.  Needless to say the gang have to remove the giant mouse which later offers flowers to Pearl who is sadly unimpressed as usual.

The episode ends with the gang sat on a grassy bank wondering where the last 50 years have gone  whilst they weren’t looking – a view which some of us would find sympathy with no doubt.

For those not in the know watch out in the credits for that of Film Editor, namely one Andrew Wilde.  Yes this is indeed the son of Brian Wilde (the longest serving third man) and I always get to wondering myself if it isn’t about time that Foggy made a guest appearance (however briefly) perhaps in the next series.  This would make many of us very happy and be a great way of expressing the thanks of all concerned for his years of devoted and talented service.  So what about it Alan; I wonder if Andrew could ask him……………………..

HERMIONE (THE SHORT COURSE)
Transmitted BBC1 10th April 2005

This was a classic gentle episode full of Roy Clarke’s brilliant writing skill and Alan J W Bell’s superb production talent.   Howard, nearly always in his interesting shorts, is seriously concerned that his philandering with the lovely Marina might be featured in Clegg’s diaries which are being re-written as memoirs.   Finding Clegg’s house with curtains pulled and a Do Not Disturb sign on the door make the gang wonder if Clegg is experiencing his second childhood – until they remember that he hasn’t finished with his first yet!

Alvin complains about  Norah Batty’s drab washing on her line to which she retorts that her garments are for durability and not entertainment.   Howard becomes concerned as to the contents of Clegg’s memoirs despite Clegg protesting that they would be a record of doing very little in the 20^th Century – a state of affairs which he most enjoyed – “boring, but maybe the odd hint about his scandalous neighbour might provide some juicy bits on page 340!”

Tom and Entwhistle contemplate the lovesick Smiler who seems even more miserable than usual and conclude that he is “not ready for  (a) complicated” attitude.   Smiler had received a “Dear John” letter from Hermione; the guys thought that therefore maybe she had found her glasses!

Barry assured Glenda that at work “poking your ears with paper-clips” is an optional activity.   Mr Teesdale (the Repo Man) cadges a lift into town with Barry and then causes mayhem as they try to repossess the wrong VW.

Meanwhile the gang doubt if Smiler’s Hermione actually filled him with fire and passion but agreed that she “probably had a destructive touch on the bicycle bell”!

To everyone’s amazement at the usual gathering of “the ladies” it transpires that Norah might have been a GI bride as she went out with an American who she met whilst making ammunition during World War 2; this caused Ivy to comment that she had been firing it ever since!

As Howard and Marina cycle off for a rural picnic which, of course, was doomed to interruption,  he mentions to her that their dalliance could make “the front pages” she simply comments that she would therefore have to have a new outfit!

This quiet and comparatively stunt-free episode ended with Clegg, Truly, Billy and (via a vaulting pole which was probably Norah’s clothes prop) Alvin sat reflecting that when they attended the funeral of a local man called Venables ……… he might have been the WRONG Venables.   Well, one can only wonder if it mattered in the grand plan of things.   I have to express my sheer admiration for the way Stephen Lewis (Smiler) is able to look and act so miserable for such a long time  (when you have the pleasure of meeting him he is extremely affable and grins happily). We can only ponder as to what Hermione might have brought to his life had she not dumped him – mind you she may have had a ginger moustache…….